Update on my Diet :) Update on my Life

Hi there! I have been on a roller coaster of emotion these last few weeks. However, I have been sticking to my diet! I rarely eat more than 30 net carbs, my calories are 1250 or less. Been doing it for almost 2 months now! My last known weight before I started this diet, was back in 2008 or 2009. I was a whopping 468 pounds. I was completely destroyed when I saw that number. I just pretended like it never happened and carried on with life. February 8, 2013, after almost a month of being on the diet, I got brave and went and got weighed, to know where I was at. I was scared out of my mind that I was going to be over 500 or close to it, due to my lack of caring what I was doing to myself. I stood on that scale like it was my last step of life. The paper came out to the side of the machine to tell me my weight. I took a deep breath and looked at the slip. I burst into tears. I was 434. I had lost 34 pounds since my last weigh in. Although the road was long, it didn't seem to be as terrible *although still not wondering of course*. I stood there in tears. I knew then I could buy a scale at Walmart without having to order a special one to accommodate my size. I had my doubts about the scale, thinking that it had lied to me. I wanted to be sure. So, we went to Walmart and my husband got me a scale. Not a digital, the old fashioned kind. I was reluctant, but I stood on it in the store and it said the same amount as the other scale did. It was confirmed that I was indeed the amount it said I was. A week later, I do my weigh in and got another surprise. I had lost another 10 pounds! Of course, again, I doubted the scale because it could not possibly be correct! So, I asked my husband to take me to the mall to their fat scale, so I could see what it said. Sure enough, I stood there waiting for the slip to come out of the machine and when I read it, I said, "HA! Another 10 pounds, baby!" I am sure most everyone at the mall heard me. I couldn't help it! I was ecstatic! That meant I had lost 44 pounds! Again, another week passed and I had lost 8 pounds. Total loss of 52. Then, along came this last Thursday, the 28th of February. I hop on the scale, and only lost 2 pounds. WHAT! Then it dawned on me what was going on.... us girl's have a curse that blesses us with extra water for a week or so. So, I get on the scale last night. Lost another 4 pounds...... probably all water!! haha. So, since the initial weigh in at 468, I have lost 58 pounds. 24 of that since February 8th. I can walk a lot better than I did.... I can take a shower without help now.... I can get my shoes on my feet most days by myself... Life is getting better, although I have my moments that I do not think it is working, or that I think I am wasting my time. Even though it is a large amount of pounds, because of being so obese, it is not so easily seen. People are starting to tell that my face, my stomach and my legs and feet are getting slimmer. It took a while, but I am getting the comments. I am glad that I am able to move around better, cause I tell you... I hated being an elderly person when I am only 38. My goal is to get in the 300's to get weighed at the doctor's office so I can start getting my weigh documented. Better chance of skin removal with a documented weight loss. I am pretty sure I am going to need it because of being so obese. That is OK though.... at least I am fixing the problem. I have so many hopes and dreams for myself when I am smaller. I just need to get there. My husband bought me a bicycle for us to go together. Gosh, that will be heaven. We used to do that all the time when we first got together. We were all over the place. Once we got a car, we drove everywhere, which led to drive thrus, bad habits, fat butt... lol It will be so nice to do that again. Especially, now we have our little girl. I want to be able to do so much with her. Once this weight is off of me, there should be nothing stopping me. I refuse to allow food to be more important to me than being there for her. I had no idea how addicted I am to food. I say it in PRESENT tense because I know the addiction is still there, I have control of it right now. I relied on food for every sort of emotion I had. I would celebrate and be happy with food... I would lean on food when there was no one else to lean on. If I were bored, food was there to entertain me. If I was upset and needed comfort, the soothing taste of food would being me joy that I was lacking. I know it probably sounds insane, but it is the truth! It is a lot like a drug, or an alcoholic drink! When one is addicted, they run to their addiction to make it better, or to feel good. I had to learn that there are other ways to cope. Just got through with something rather emotional and I had to find my way without food. It worked! I wanted to quit, I am not going to lie, but I couldn't. My own will power won the battle of what my emotions wanted. I am sure I will have that struggle for the rest of my days, just like any recovering addict would have. Well, I suppose I have went on and on long enough. I am going to attempt to get some sleep :) Have a good night and I will update you again!