Reflecting on the Old Me

Hello there fellow bloggers. It is me again! Just thought that I would write. It is almost 1:30am and I just got done watching an episode of Extreme Make Over Weight Loss Edition. The show was about a father named Jonathan who weighed 543 pounds. He and I were very much alike in a lot of ways. He desired to ride a bike with his children and he couldn't. He desired to be able to play with his kids, run and chase them, play ball. They would play around him but he really couldn't participate because his weight held him back. I sat and cried through most of the show because it seemed as if he was describing my life and how I was not that long ago. This journey that I have been on has been awesome. I went from being 468 pounds (which was a guess because it was my last known weight), not being able to shower without help. Couldn't put on my shoes. Not able to walk from one end of my house to the other without a break. Wasn't able to walk in stores, had to use the electric wheelchairs to shop. Heck, at Christmas time, I shopped online because I couldn't get out to shop at the stores. I couldn't do yard sales without having extreme difficulty. I would look at a few things and struggle to get back to the car. I wouldn't even be able to look at everything because of it. I would sweat A LOT. I would almost pant like a dog from being so short of breath. My back would hurt beyond belief. (It still does at times, but that is because I have a medical issue with it) I could not even get weighed at the doctor's office. Now? I can ride a bike. I can take a shower unassisted. I can put on my own shoes. I can walk for longer periods of time. I still get pain, but not nearly as bad. I can walk around stores for a hours at a time, pushing a cart. I hiked a trail. Was on my feet for 2 and a half hours at a kid show with my daughter and husband. I was able to do it. Last year, I spent 95% of the time sitting or finding the next chair. I actually RAN. Not a long time, but I did it. I have lost 84 pounds since that time I was weighed in at 468. I have lost 50 of that since February 8. I was finally able to be weighed at the doctor's office. So many little things have meant such a HUGE deal to me. Never did I imagine I would come this far. I have found strength within myself that I wasn't sure existed. I am finally happy and enjoying life. I have things to look forward to. I have goals and now I believe I can reach them because I have reached so many others. My goal for the end of this month is to weigh 375 or less. I am suppose to weigh in Monday on myfitnesspal, but I am pretty sure I have lost 4 more pounds. The scale has been telling me the last few times I was on it that I weigh 380. If that is the case, then I have 5 more pounds to reach my end of April goal :D However, because it is not Monday, I can not say it is official.. lol I will share with you some of my goals. My summer goals are: 1. Go to Waldameer and actually be able to ride the rides (Maybe next year, but one can hope!) 2. Go to the zoo with my family and actually ENJOY it and not sit out most of it like the last time. 3. Ride Presque Isle on my bike. (Loooooong ride, but I want to give it a try and see if I can do it!) 4. Be one or two sizes smaller!!! My end of the year goals? 1. JEANS!!!!!! 2. Size 18 would be awesome, smaller would be dreamy! However, I will take ANY smaller size.. lol 3. Be able to sit behind the wheel in my husband's truck and drive it! 4. Be in the 200's. (even if it is 299... still counts!) I am sure there are some that think these goals are silly, or do not mean anything. To me, they are everything. Unless you have been or you are morbidly obese, you have NO idea how much these goals mean. Each day I am fighting for my life, fighting to stay around longer to watch my little girl grow up, to be with my husband and harass him. I know that at 468 pounds, I had one foot in the grave and the other one on the grass. I can not allow myself to go back to that. No burger, no chip, no french fry, no blizzard from Dairy Queen will ever mean more to me than that. Never feel as good as getting on my bike and spending that time together as a family, enjoying the outdoors together. NOTHING means more to me than that. I will continue to strive and work to get where I need to be so I can be a healthy mom, wife, and friend. I am 38, but have been living as if I am an elderly person. I have SO much life in me. I am not ready to curl up and die. I have so much to live for. So with each day, I work at achieving that goal. Remember, if you are reading this.... know that there is nothing that you can not do. Once you set your mind to do something, you got it. Dig deep for that determination, for that inspiration. Step out of your comfort zone and see what you can do. If you can't, you will. If you fall, get back up. Only YOU can seal the book of your fate. Grab the pen and keep writing!

April Update on ME :)

Wow, I really need to stop neglecting this blog! So much has happened in a month's time. March 30, 2013, me, my husband and my daughter went on our first bike ride! That's right... BIKE RIDE! I never dreamed that I would have been able to ride this soon, but I am! It was the most amazing day. 16 years since I had been on a bike. I couldn't ride with my weight being so out of control. Now I can. I LOVE it. This was one of my main goals when I started this diet. I wanted to ride a bike with my baby girl. I DID IT! Going out today, too :) Also, I have lost more weight since I last blogged. Last weigh in.... I finally got under 400 pounds! YAY! I am not an official 3bee :) I had gone to the doctor's office with my husband 2 weeks ago. I had asked the nurse to weight me. She was glad to do it. For the first time in a very long time... I was able to be weighed at the doctor's office. Usually, both weight bars would go all the way to the right and that would be the end of it. Not this time. The bottom bar went all the way to the right, but when the smaller weight went all the way to the right, she had to tap it back to the left.. and kept tapping it... finally landing on 394. I cried. I was SO happy to finally be under 400 pounds. Finally able to be weighed at the doctor's office. It was so nice to see the doctor happy about my weight instead of upset and concerned. The nurse hugged me and congratulated me. It was another moment in my life that will stay with me forever. Since then, I have dropped 4 more pounds... I am down to 390. I have been checking my weight on a daily basis, but I do not log it until Monday. Looks like I am down to 384, but I am not going to count that just yet... even though I would LOVE to. So many things have happened.... my life has been constantly evolving. I feel so much better, so much more alive. Why did I wait so long to do something about my weight? Gosh... I sure did rob myself of living and for what... whopper? Blizzard from Dairy Queen? My diet has changed some since my last post. I now allow more carbs in my diet and I am now up to 1400 calories. Reason I bumped them up, if I am going to be more active, I am going to need more fuel to do so. 1200 calories and the low carbs was the drastic measure I was taking to get the weight off of me without exercising, because I simply could not move around well. Now that I can ride a bike, walk better some days, I do not want to make myself sick. I had noticed that I was getting tired all the time and was not feeling well. My weight loss had also stalled. Once I upped everything, I started to lose again and started to feel better. If I get to the point of having difficulty losing, I will drop back some things a little at a time. I have GOT THIS :) With the warmer weather approaching, I am looking forward to all of our adventures. I can not wait to enjoy life again. I have always had the spark within me, now it is my time to shine!