Biggest Fail

Well, it certainly has been a very long time since I have written anything on this poor, neglected blog. Well, truth be told.... my journey had come to a screeching halt because life was getting the better of me. I turned to the one thing that has ALWAYS been there for me, no matter who was in my life.....you guessed it. Food. I had gotten down to 337 pounds...was really getting my life on track. Some how, old habits crept in and I was eating anything and everything I wanted. With each bite of food, I could hear my inner person yelling at me, telling me that I was literally undoing everything I had worked so hard to achieve. I just simple did not care. Well, I finally had weighed myself near the end of April and I was 390. Yep, almost 60 pounds put back on. A part of me wanted to run to the nearest buffet and down all my sorrows into something that could make me forget the pain, at least for a moment. Something started to click. I was way too close to 400 again. 400 meant not putting on my own shoes, not being able to walk, needing help in the shower. 400 meant prison. There was no way I was going to allow myself to become a prisoner in my own body once again. So, I have been working on trying to get rid of this ugly, disgusting number. I am happy to say that right now, I am 377.4. Not the greatest number on the planet, but a hell of a lot better than 390. I wished that my back was more cooperative to what I want to do. My head thinks I can climb mountains, but my back reminds me that I can barely get around the block without sitting or needing the assistance of my walking stick. Nevertheless, at least I am moving, in spite of the pain my back dishes out. I have done this to myself and the only one that can save me....is me. I am the only one that can do anything about it. Sure, support is wonderful. I appreciate all the support I get. However, what it boils down to is that you are responsible for YOU. It is up to be to grab the bull by the horns and show this demon who is boss. Time for me to start living, once again. I am so tired of falling into the emotional trap that my mind likes to place me in. However, the biggest fail would be remaining in the trap and not looking for any means to get out.